I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
