youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
