Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
