I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
