my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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