Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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