Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
