and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
