I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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