This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
did i just pee glitter
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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