how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
