i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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