My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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