I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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