I'm drive I can fine osifer
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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