I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize