youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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