I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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