Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
COCAINE IS GR8
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
