My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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