I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
love makes seman taste better
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
