i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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