Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
