I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
