I'm gonna have a badass scar
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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