Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
