who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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