I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
