Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
