Well apparently he's into motor boating.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
