I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
