I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
