I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
