I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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