I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
