Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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