i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
