in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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