Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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