Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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