What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
