Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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