Umm I'm too high to move.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
