Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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