Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
