You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
