remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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