I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize