Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
