Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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