Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
