this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize