so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
