I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
