Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
