Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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