whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
