He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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