dude i'm inner monologue high
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
