I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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