the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
