we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
