So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
