So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
