Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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