I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
